I am sitting at my desk this morning trying to deal with the weight of what this day holds for me. April 20th. Just another typical Monday. Only this day holds for me a time when I feel my life was changed. It is difficult for me to believe that Garth and Zack have been gone for three years. And still, there is a part of me that simply does not believe it is true. The part of me that still, on occasion, will pick up the phone to call them or think about visiting. What is that part of my memory that doesn't remind me that they are gone?
So, like an idiot, I chose to get on facebook this morning. I then proceeded to look through pictures people had posted, read their status updates about remembering and then, the final straw, read Doug's blog entry (which you should read, but be prepared for). I am now sitting here, in an office with 6 other people, trying not to completely break down. So, how do I cope? How do I complete the rest of this day without being a shell of myself? Easy...remember the good times. Cover my sadness with sarcasm, just as Garth and Zack would have both wanted and expected.
The first memory that comes to mind was the time Garth wanted to make a group of us dinner. He had been to TGIFridays a few too many times, and he wanted to make chicken similar to their jack daniels chicken. So what did he do? He proceeded to soak a chicken all evening in whiskey. Not deluded, not for an hour....80 proof whiskey, on it's own, overnight. As you can imagine, this chicken could have become a drinking game all in itself, because eating just a bit of it would have made anyone completely drunk. Except maybe Garth. Who stubbornly tried very hard to eat some of it, until he finally gave in and said it was terrible.
Doug reminded me of the time we were all over at Fritz's old house. It was February or March, and the Christmas tree that Doug, Zack, Lee and Nathan had put up was still in the middle of the living room. It was supposed to be Nathan's job to take it down and the rest of his roommates were becoming more and more discontent with it's presence in their house. So, after some complaining and a bit of alcohol, I convinced Garth, Zack and Lee to carry it into Nathan's room, and plug in the lights. Which was hysterical until Nathan got home. Thinking about that huge Christmas tree in the middle of Nathan's teeny tiny room STILL brings a huge smile to my face. Garth and Zack took all the heat from Nathan and never pulled me into, even though it was my idea in the first place. So Nathan, if you're reading this, I apologize for the frustration but I don't regret the memory.
And finally, perhaps one of my favorite memories, was on my 21st birthday. Dave Matthews Band was in town and Garth, Zack, Kevin and Doug decided to take me to the concert. We had terrible lawn seats, but I remember it was a gorgeous evening with perfect weather. There are several parts of this evening that stand out to me. One was watching Zack's face as he experienced Dave Matthews for the first time. He hadn't really heard this music before the concert and had really come more for the company. I just remember him laying back, relaxed on the lawn and smiling at the new music. His love for music of all kinds was one of the most endearing things about him. Then there was Garth. Garth was up, dancing around, moving to the music, jumping during certain songs and yelling for them to play the favorites. He also had no shame in buying me drinks all night and spending $22 on a t-shirt so I would be able to remember the evening. It was the perfect birthday.
The following night, Dave Matthews was performing a second concert. Around 4pm that day, Garth called and asked what I was doing that night. I was working, but was getting done around 6pm. He suggested that we drive over to the concert and see if we could buy some tickets. I thought he was crazy because we had just gone the night before, but he reminded me that they never played the same set twice and that I hadn't heard some of my favorite songs. "If we go tonight, you might hear some of the stuff you missed last night. Hell, I'll even pay for your ticket." So on we went. The second night rivaled the first as far as the music went, plus we got much better seats for half the price. The whole night payed off when they started playing "Ants Marching," which is by far my favorite Dave Matthew's song. Garth and I cheered, danced and jumped up and down to the beat. It was great. That was the thing about Garth...he was always convincing me to do these great and unexpected things, because that's how he lived his life.
I miss them both very much. But I am grateful for the time we spent together and the hundreds of memories I will have forever.
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