Missing Garth

Lately I've been thinking about Garth a lot. I always think about Garth, but it has been different. I've started having the dreams again, where I'm with him. They're never anything special. Typically we're just hanging out, like we used to do on any typical day at Anderson. Going for a ride on the bike, or watching a movie. I even have dreams about us grocery shopping -- crazy right? But I wake up feeling sad.

I have a picture of us on top of the Empire State Building from 2002 stuck in the mirror I get ready at every morning. That trip was one of the best of my life. Kevin, Marci, Dan, Garth and I went to NYC to celebrate Marci and Kevin's graduation from Anderson. We stayed at the Grand Hyatt for $80 a night (which we split 5 ways) and we took turns going up to and leaving the room, so that the maids wouldn't rat us out -- we were really only supposed to have two people in that room.

There are so many hilarious memories from that trip. Going to the Yankees game in the freezing cold, sitting in the $8 bleacher seats and listening to the locals call out their cheers that they all had memorized..."Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Is a sex....MACHINE!" no joke, that was one of the cheers yelled as a guy, presumably Dave, would stand on top of his bleacher seat and flex his muscles. Absolutely hysterical. Halfway through the game, due to coldness and boredom, I decided I wanted to leave. Garth and I left, caught a train to the hotel to get more clothing (it was very cold for May), and had a chance to walk through the city and talk. I have no clue what we talked about that night, but I remember enjoying his company and feeling happy that he was my friend.

Then there was the time that Garth, Dan and I were at Virgin Records in Times Square. Garth and I were meeting Marci and Kevin at a matinee of Chicago that we had 2nd row seats to. We were planning on meeting there at 2:30 for the 3pm show...except the show started at 2pm. Kevin and Marci called our phones repeatedly, which we didn't hear, until 5 minutes til when we finally got one of the messages. We yelled goodbye to Dan and went running, frantically, through Times Square. Garth's legs were a lot longer than mine, so he would get pretty far ahead of me and then have to stop and wait for me to catch up. The streets were crowded, as they almost always are in Times Square, so between the running and dodging in and out of people, we were sweaty and out of breath by the time we reached the theatre. We then did the walk of shame to the front of the house while the opening number was going on. But the performance turned out to be amazing, and that memory makes me laugh every time I think about it.

One of the last times I saw Garth was the night before Thanksgiving in 2005. He was in Louisville to see a band play, My Morning's Jacket. Kevin and I were in Louisville to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family, and we gave Garth a ride downtown and then picked him up when it was over. When we picked him up close to 1am, he was begging us to go to an afterparty with him that the band was going to be at. He was not able to convince us, but we had a good time listening to him describe the concert and catch us up on his life. I guess with Thanksgiving around the corner, I have had him on my mind more.

Garth was such an incredible person. There are a million different stories that I could share and this entry could be many more pages long. I know that the time that we spent as friends has left me with some of the best memories of my life. And even though it's been 2.5 years since his death, I still have times where I think about claling him, inviting him over, or just going to visit him. It is only then that my head remembers what my heart refuses to acknowledge...that in this life he is gone and that I will not see him again on this earth. I believe that I will see Garth one day in heaven because of our shared believes, but for now I will have to be content to see him in my dreams.

The group in NYC in 2002. Marci, Dan, Kevin, me and Garth in the front. This was taken after the Yankees game.

"I'm falling apart

I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain

There is healing

In your name

I find meaning

So I'm holding on

I'm barely holding on to you"

- Lifehouse

Moving Forward

The past week has created many different memories, some sad, some fun and some disappointing. I have waited to write because I needed to let the reality of election day sink in. As I previously wrote, Senator Obama's win was no surprise to me. I thought it would be uncharacteristically difficult for anyone to win as the republican nominee in this election, especially a moderate like John McCain. I will admit that the evening of the election, I cried for our country. I do not know what an Obama administration holds, so I am just hoping that I am wrong about him.

One election result that I was pleased with was that of Mitch McConnell. He has served the state of Kentucky with dignity and grace for several years and has truly represented the conservative values that are strong in my homestate. I was worried that he would lose his seat, but thankfully, he won with no problems.

The unfortunate fallout of McCain's loss has been the lack of grace of those who worked for him. Stories began coming out about Sarah Palin before the election was even lost. Anonymous sources trying to save their political futures began telling reporters ridiculous stories about the VP nominee in hopes that the old gradeschool logic would win out..."if I can make someone else look bad, I will then look better." It is childish and a complete disgrace to the Republican party. Things Palin said while on the campaign trail were used against her...that she didn't know Africa was a continent...stuff like that. The truth it, candidates all make mistakes when speaking on the trail. Biden didn't know who was President during the Great Depression or that there weren't really televisions yet. Barack Obama said they had been to 47 states and were going on to 11 more. Does anyone really believe that Obama thinks there at 58 states? of course not.

I think the best thing that could happen is for the Republican party to stop looking back and begin to move forward from this point. If Palin is interested in becoming a serious contender for president in 2012, she needs to go back to Alaska, do her job there, and spend the next two years reading everything she can. If she does this, she may be able to add the knowledge necessary to the already charismatic personality she has and be a real leader in this party. But I don't think she is there yet.

But enough about politics. Last Saturday Kevin and I hosted a bonfire at the Hurley's house in Xenia. We played football, cooked hotdogs and made smores. The weather was absolutely perfect - not too cold but cold enough to enjoy the fire - and we had a nice turnout of people. I was especially excited that Marium came, because I hadn't seen her in so long. Below are some pictures from the bonfire and the football game.

The other interesting news of the week is that I am officially finished at the Playhouse. Nine weeks after giving my notice, I have finally finished my time there and am 100% at the Human Race. Yesterday was my last day there, and it was bittersweet for sure. During my time there I have grown to love many of the other employees and creating some really great friendships. As I was cleaning out my desk and thinking back on my time there, I began to wonder if I made the right decision. I think that is the hardest part -- making a decision and then trying to stick to it. I think time will tell.

What I believe I will miss most is Sydney, Ryan and Mandy. Sydney has been like a mentor to me since I was in school at CCM. Not only has she set forth a wonderful example to me professionally, but she has always been there for me on a personal level as well. Her and Russ are one of those couples that I respect and admire, and hope to be similar to some day. I will miss Mandy dropping by my office to talk about the latest episode of the office, tell me stories about what is happening during production, or just to laugh with and lighten my day.

And then there's Ryan. Though we've only worked together for a little more than a year, I have become deeply appreciative of our friendship. He is one of those people who I know I can depend on, but who also challenges me to look at things from a different prospective. While me might not agree on all issues, I always felt that I could learn something through our conversations, whether it be about politics, religion or a specific social issue. I will miss our lunches at Bruegger's and our conversations.

So, even though I have already worked six weeks at the Human Race, I feel like I am just now taking that next step. What will happen during my time there? Time will tell. I'll keep you posted on how it is going...

The boys getting ready to play football. Lesley and I played, but not that well...

Kevin and I enjoying the fire. Trying not to fall in...

Lesley and Rocky Leisman...fast becoming two of my most favorite people.

Impending Doom

With only two days until the election, I feel that I need to speak my piece and then let it go. With the polls showing this weekend that John McCain is still trailing anywhere from 2-10 points, I truly do not know what to expect. However, I am expecting the worst.


I think it is truly possible that the most liberal, least experienced presidential candidate in history will become the 44th President of the United States. This possibility gives me a completely different shiver up my leg then the ones creeping up the legs of "reporters" over at MSNBC. I think it is unfortunate that our country has come to this point - so interested in teaching George W. Bush a lesson that it would prefer to put someone in the highest position possible that has only been in charge of one thing throughout his career, his presidential campaign.

Now I will not argue that Obama has not run a good campaign, because he certainly has. He has stayed on message, given extraoridary speeches, and he has "brought people together." I in no way wish to diminish what Obama has accomplished because I truly hope that his presidential bid, win or lose, will discontinue the conversation of race in this country. I hope that in 2012 we see many more diverse candidates and that it won't be considered historic, just the norm.

Here is what I expect from an Obama Presidency (and I truly hope I'm wrong):

1. His economic plans laid out during the election will become a distant memory quickly. As he becomes more informed of the economic status of this country, he will forget about lowering taxes for anyone and revert back to his liberal ways, which is raising taxes. Just like when he ran for the Senate on the basis of lowered taxes, those who voted for him to become a Senator are still wait to see a decrease in their taxes. He has never ONCE voted for lower taxes. Why anyone expects something different if he becomes President, I may never understand.

2. He will pull out of Iraq whether the war is won or not. Whether or not you think we should have gone into Iraq in the first place, we are there now. While McCain would be committed to finishing what we started, I think Obama will pull troops whether the war is won or not. The irony of the Iraq war is that the surge that McCain supported turned the tide in Iraq, making it a non-issue for the 2008 election. Because of McCain's wisdom, he managed to take the issue off the table that he has the most experience in - national security.

3. Universal Health Care will be implemented and throw this country into further debt. While Obama has campaigned that he will balance the budget, he will be much more interested in pushing through programs that are important to him while he has tne majority in the House and Senate. The additional $1 Trillion dollars in new spending he proposes will not be made up by the tax increases on the wealthy. This will mean more tax hikes for households with a lower income, and yes, that means those making less than $250,000 a year.

What will be good about an Obama presidency?

1. Obama will crack the ceiling for diverse political candidates and will hopefully take race off the table once and for all. If Obama is elected, I will feel proud that America has finally instituted a little colorblindness when it comes to our leadership.

2. The Republican Party will be forced, either way, to reorganize and strengthen. In 1992 Republicans decided that they had turned away from their core values and made a promise to the American public. in 1994, they went on to become the majority in the Senate once again and were successful until 2004, when they became cocky, turned against the public they were serving and began to overspend in every area. I believe that just like in 1992, the Republican party will reorganize and get back to basics. Back to responsible politics with conservative values and fiscal responsibility. I, as a Republican, am ready to be proud of my party again and I hope that this happens.

3. Maybe the arts will become a real priority in the White House. If Obama follows through with one thing, this is the one I hope he pulls through on.

4. With all of the hype and celebrity-like following, there is little chance that Obama will live up to the hype. As a liberal politician, he will show his true colors, lean more and more to the left, and make a 2012 republican presidency win more and more of a reality. Conservatives and those in the middle will realize that Obama is not who he said he was, that he does not relate to the everyday person, and that he promised a lot to become president that he did not deliver.

I have been a bad mood all day, and I think a lot of it is because I am worried about this election. I am worried about an Obama presidency and what the next four years will look like. However, Kevin made an interesting point today. He said that in 2000 and again in 2004, he noticed what sore losers the democrats were. In fact, I just read a NYTimes article today that characterized the last two elections as being STOLEN. It has been 8 years and they still can't let it go. So Kevin said that he is determined to not be a sore loser if Obama wins, and I agree. I will not pout, I will not throw a tantrum, and I will not wear black on Wednesday. What will be will be. And who knows, maybe we're all in for a surprise....but I'm not getting my hopes up.