Missing Garth

Lately I've been thinking about Garth a lot. I always think about Garth, but it has been different. I've started having the dreams again, where I'm with him. They're never anything special. Typically we're just hanging out, like we used to do on any typical day at Anderson. Going for a ride on the bike, or watching a movie. I even have dreams about us grocery shopping -- crazy right? But I wake up feeling sad.

I have a picture of us on top of the Empire State Building from 2002 stuck in the mirror I get ready at every morning. That trip was one of the best of my life. Kevin, Marci, Dan, Garth and I went to NYC to celebrate Marci and Kevin's graduation from Anderson. We stayed at the Grand Hyatt for $80 a night (which we split 5 ways) and we took turns going up to and leaving the room, so that the maids wouldn't rat us out -- we were really only supposed to have two people in that room.

There are so many hilarious memories from that trip. Going to the Yankees game in the freezing cold, sitting in the $8 bleacher seats and listening to the locals call out their cheers that they all had memorized..."Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Is a sex....MACHINE!" no joke, that was one of the cheers yelled as a guy, presumably Dave, would stand on top of his bleacher seat and flex his muscles. Absolutely hysterical. Halfway through the game, due to coldness and boredom, I decided I wanted to leave. Garth and I left, caught a train to the hotel to get more clothing (it was very cold for May), and had a chance to walk through the city and talk. I have no clue what we talked about that night, but I remember enjoying his company and feeling happy that he was my friend.

Then there was the time that Garth, Dan and I were at Virgin Records in Times Square. Garth and I were meeting Marci and Kevin at a matinee of Chicago that we had 2nd row seats to. We were planning on meeting there at 2:30 for the 3pm show...except the show started at 2pm. Kevin and Marci called our phones repeatedly, which we didn't hear, until 5 minutes til when we finally got one of the messages. We yelled goodbye to Dan and went running, frantically, through Times Square. Garth's legs were a lot longer than mine, so he would get pretty far ahead of me and then have to stop and wait for me to catch up. The streets were crowded, as they almost always are in Times Square, so between the running and dodging in and out of people, we were sweaty and out of breath by the time we reached the theatre. We then did the walk of shame to the front of the house while the opening number was going on. But the performance turned out to be amazing, and that memory makes me laugh every time I think about it.

One of the last times I saw Garth was the night before Thanksgiving in 2005. He was in Louisville to see a band play, My Morning's Jacket. Kevin and I were in Louisville to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family, and we gave Garth a ride downtown and then picked him up when it was over. When we picked him up close to 1am, he was begging us to go to an afterparty with him that the band was going to be at. He was not able to convince us, but we had a good time listening to him describe the concert and catch us up on his life. I guess with Thanksgiving around the corner, I have had him on my mind more.

Garth was such an incredible person. There are a million different stories that I could share and this entry could be many more pages long. I know that the time that we spent as friends has left me with some of the best memories of my life. And even though it's been 2.5 years since his death, I still have times where I think about claling him, inviting him over, or just going to visit him. It is only then that my head remembers what my heart refuses to acknowledge...that in this life he is gone and that I will not see him again on this earth. I believe that I will see Garth one day in heaven because of our shared believes, but for now I will have to be content to see him in my dreams.

The group in NYC in 2002. Marci, Dan, Kevin, me and Garth in the front. This was taken after the Yankees game.

"I'm falling apart

I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain

There is healing

In your name

I find meaning

So I'm holding on

I'm barely holding on to you"

- Lifehouse